I Am Officially a Horror Novelist
Renown writer of bloody gut-crunchers James Roy Daley has been following me on Twitter and while stumbling upon his awesome blog , I happened to find this cool post regarding marketing for horror authors. I mean, he wrote Terror Town, after all! I promise to review that one soon.
The site gets massive traffic and I figured, after some careful soul-searching, why not apply for the promo? I can always use the traffic as it stands, so why not get some direction from one of the most vile, revolting, stomach-churning writers alive (or undead)?
I didn’t know if I could qualify. I’m YA after all, and I had always thought of myself as paranormal/occult romance. Then, after taking inventory of all the crazy shit that happens in my book (including the next volume – already in progress), I figured that I am a horror novelist.
Thinking quick, I played by the application’s rules and wrote my less-than-300-word essay. It felt like high school all over again. I wanted to win that lifetime’s supply of Ovaltine, damn it!
Pure comedy. Here’s the letter I wrote thee James Roy to plead my case:
“Dear Mr. Daley,
Here is the official description of my book:
‘On an ancient Earth not long before the dawn of mankind, a great and terrible war is imminent between mortals and the demonic forces from the hells. It falls on one young maiden’s shoulders to fight back the armies of the damned. Read Celestials and enjoy this supernatural tale of a frightening yesterday!
INFERNAL INVASION! The bowels of Hell open wide and demonic forces attack the living on an ancient Earth shortly before the birth of humanity!
Celestials is a blend of Sixteen Candles meets the books of the Nephilim detailing a world not long before ours, but long forgotten. A planetary romance mixed with urban fantasy, readers from age thirteen to one hundred thirteen will enjoy this maiden’s fantastic journey into the paranormal and supernatural.’
“I’m not sure if you handle young adult novels, but I suppose this book would be categorized as “horror.” It has assassinations, demonic possessions and evil parents who turn out to be devil worshipers. It also contains child sacrifice (and the devouring of the corpse), child abduction (x2), secret Satanic societies, and a young father in the throes of divorce by his Satanic gold-digging wife. Demons, devils, and Lucifer all make an appearance as well. Then there’s a spoiled teenager who gets pregnant by an incubus. The finale involves a big Godzilla-like destruction of society by behemoths. There are more vomit scenes in it too than your average John Waters’ flick. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s a kid’s book that’s fun for the whole family, but I guess it’s pretty horrific.
What in the hell’s wrong with me? I mean, sure, my mother hated me, but come on! No wonder I left therapy after one session. Whatever – the book got accepted and I’ll post an update when James has it up and running. Can’t wait!